After reading the, oh say, one hundredth time, what Google human resources people are said to ask prospective employees –”You are shrunk to the height of a nickel and thrown in a blender. Your mass is reduced so that your density is the same as usual. The blades start moving in 60 seconds. What do you do?” — would you even want to work there?
Fuck Google. I bet even they’re sick of reading the tripe. It’s also probably occurred to someone on site that when what you thought was a brain-tweezing question gets tossed around in public it starts looking more like some turd from an asshole rather than the intellectual fruit of a critical thinker.
In an economy of diminished prospects career advice columns in magazines and newspapers have taken up repackaging interviews in which company supervisors torture job candidates with weird questions and outlandish behavior as testing the ability of workers to think on their feet.
It’s intelligence-insulting, the opposite of how it’s peddled.
No longer satisfied with sorting through resumes and screening applicants the traditional way, some companies are using offbeat interview techniques to test the mettle of job seekers. Skills, education and good references are still important. But firms increasingly want a real-time look at how prospects tackle problems, gin up new ideas, handle change and work as part of a team.
To assess these amorphous qualities, interviewers at some firms have adopted aspects of reality shows, quiz programs or Broadway auditions …
Companies are running job seekers through a gantlet, in part because they can.
Minneapolis advertising agency Campbell Mithun asks candidates for its internship program to apply in a series of 13 Twitter messages. Limited to 140 characters with each tweet, candidates are challenged to show their stuff in a small space.
“We’re looking for digitally savvy, creative thought leaders, and the 13-tweet process gives applicants a real opportunity to demonstrate these capabilities,” said human resources director Debbie Fischer.
Want to sling sprinkles at Pinkberry? The chain requires applicants to brainstorm commercials for its frozen yogurt and then work in teams to devise a marketing plan for a hypothetical product such as a paper cup …
Most of the comments are appropriately supercilious.
In the spirit, I’ve thought up some potential interview questions to add to the see if they can think on their feet pile.
1. You’re a human resources manager and you’ve been asked to give prostate exams to all male job candidates. What will be your procedure from start to finish? Remember, some but not all will react very negatively to your work.
2. You’re a tampon. Tell me three famous women from history who you’d have liked to have been in.
3. You’re a drone operator flying a Reaper over Somalia. Your CIA boss has ordered you to destroy a hut made of garbage and sticks because it is said a terrorist lives inside and is there now. You see two children and a woman right next to it on your screen. What are you going to do?
Oh, wait …