If Apple thought it could get away with having people on television suck on a piece of iKit shaped like a penis it would probably have FoxConn make some. See, one of the most annoying things about iJunk is the fetishism. One of the fetishes, and a major selling point, is the illusion created that one can rule the world from the palm of your hand. Just whip your fingers over a couple apps, easier than the five finger exercise.
You see this in the Beeb’s Sherlock, a show I like very much IN SPITE of its pandering commercial Apple tie ins.
For the show, there are only two infallibles. The star, played by Benedict Cumberbatch. And the iPhone.
The iPhone is the aim point for all texting between good and evil — the detective, his colleagues and adversaries. Whenever another computer shows up, it’s an iPad.
And one can do anything on those, too, so why does Apple even makes more than one device, since they’re all the same kind of magic wand?
In the climax of season two — The Reichenbach Fall – the start is given over to Holmes nemesis Jim Moriarty who invades the Tower of England during peak tourism hours, engineers a break in at the Bank of England and a prison break at Pentonville — all by swiping his iPhone apps — while he’s listening to his iTunes and chewing gum.
Straight off I wanted Holmes to kill the guy out of hand.
In Scandal in Belgravia, the only woman to infatuate Holmes, the dominatrix Irene Adler, has an equally omnipotent iPhone.
It can bring Britain to its knees because scandalous photos and careless talk are on its disk. It’s a very special piece of iKit, booby-trapped with multiple explosives charges. The finest computer, forensic and safe-cracking technicians in the world cannot penetrate it. Only the intellect of Sherlock Holmes can manage it, deductively reasoning that Adler has made the first four letters of her new boyfriend’s name, his, the password.
There is now something called the gTar, a prototype semi-guitar that serves as a docking station for an iPhone.
Do you hear any rock and roll? Do you hear anything at all that sounds like what Leo Fender made? Or Les Paul? Are there anyone but nerds in the video?
The gTar, an instrument with the feature that it comes with no acoustic capabilities at all, not even requiring the strings to be tuned, which I can tell you is important — psycho-acoustically and feel-wise — in playing an instrument with virtually zero native tone, is not even cheap by the standards of guitars for beginners. Yet iJunk groupies are all over it judging by the project’s funding success.
Indeed, one cannot turn around without seeing iPhones as the Swiss Army knife of life.
This — in today’s mail — on using your iJunk as a digital guitar amp, studio and hit producing machine all in one. Everything sounds perfect but sterile, like fragments of tunes you’ve heard on all the best-selling records, ever, but not quite identical because of digital copyright issues.
There is something missing from the frictionless lowest common averaging technology with pretty imagery of iOS app — humanity. This lack optimizes it for instant gratification, HD video commercials and soundtracks made spasmodically in minutes, uploaded by the tens of thousands to YouTube.
The player’s face is never seen, only the gear, the iJunk and GarageBand icons and trademarks. His blue sneakers are the only personality in the damn thing. I’ve become so averse to iJunk and its culture of lickspittle, just the idea of using GarageBand or Logic Pro for anything gives me a mild headache.