Ted Nugent was granted an hour with Piers Morgan on CNN last night.
A reader tipped me. But the results were still grim as one might expect.
Some points to Morgan for trying to employ critical questioning and, as the interview wore on, showing that he politely but visibly detested his guest.
MORGAN: You gave an interview to some guy on a BBC show.
NUGENT: Boy, did they need me there, huh?
MORGAN: And just to describe how you thought went with this British interview, you said they sent this young limey prick who pretended to be my friend. He tried to — with me on all these political correct levels. I gutted him. I danced on his skull.
NUGENT: But before I gutted him —
MORGAN: Will you dance on my skull, Ted?
Then there’s the regular GOP/Ted meme of shitting on people on foodstamps because they’re leeches.
NUGENT: Well, safety nets. Welfare for example. Welfare isn’t just about helping the needy anymore. Welfare is now about rewarding people who take advantage of the corruption and the abuse of that condition.
That’s more widespread than actual needy people getting help. I mean I don’t know how often you shop around this country, or how often you hang out with people around this country. But it is not like the president said.
The America he doesn’t know that people are using food stamps for something other than good nutrition. You gotta be kidding me. We got a bunch of idiots out there that are absolutely raping and pillaging an otherwise positive humanitarian system.
MORGAN: Well, I admire the passion you bring. I don’t have a problem with people having opinions. Even if I don’t agree with some of them.
My issue about you and the welfare thing is it showed — to me it showed no sense of compassion for people who have genuine problems. Who genuinely need it.
NUGENT: Well, you see —
MORGAN: Your judgment, if you don’t mind me saying, is all encompassing. All sweeping. You think they’re all on the fiddle.
MORGAN: Well, you’re very — you’re very, very pro the troops. I get that. But you yourself, I mean you dodged the draft.
NUGENT: No. Now, see, I’m glad we’re here on the Piers Morgan show to set that straight for the 10 million —
MORGAN: Set the record straight.
NUGENT: No, did I not dodge the draft. I was 17, and I was a clueless idiot, which most 17s qualify. I bet you were —
MORGAN: I was quite suave.
NUGENT: Being that as it may, no, I was enrolled in Oakland Community College. And I had a one-wide deferment. Did I register — I registered. Did I volunteer? No. Should I have? Yes.
MORGAN: Do you regret that?
NUGENT: You know, I do regret it on one level. On the most important, fundamental level, is that I have a duty to earn this experiments in we the people self-government. And I’ve spent my time and I’ve intentionally put myself in harm’s way going over to Iraq and Afghanistan, right into hell zones of unnamed trenches in Afghanistan danger zones, I do —
MORGAN: Is part of that a guilt thing on your part?
Ted then spent some time complaining and denying it’s a guilt thing. Morgan wouldn’t have it so Ted called him a bastard.
Ted is revealed as a closet birther.
MORGAN: Did you agree with [Trump] about the birther issue?
NUGENT: You know, I agree that we should be able to demand evidence and I, like he and many others, I had not seen the official document. And I think we the people should be able to demand of our elected officials —
MORGAN: Have you seen Sarah Palin’s?
NUGENT: I have not seen — but she’s not president.
MORGAN: Why aren’t you demanding to see hers?
NUGENT: If she runs for president I would.
MORGAN: Yes, but some say that the only reason people wanted to see Obama’s was because he’s an African-American.
NUGENT: And isn’t that offensive? Isn’t that pathetic that they have to reduce it to a race issue? That is the most evil, rotten, soulless condition in America that as soon as you disagree with someone of a different color, that the racist accusations fly. That is soulless, inaccurate, and wrong.
MORGAN: Fine. Have you ever asked to see the birth certificate of any other president or presidential candidate?
NUGENT: No, I haven’t.
MORGAN: Why not?
NUGENT: I was never active enough in politics —
It continues, Ted seeming to realize he’s been backed into looking foolish. At one point he suggests a “government panel” to review birth credentials before petering out.
NUGENT: So I admire Sarah Palin across the board. Great woman, perfect American.
MORGAN: Other than that, you’re quite keen on that?
NUGENT: Other than that what?
MORGAN: You’re quite keen on that?
NUGENT: Yes, I’m keen on that. Plus, she’s so good looking.
Nugent said this with an obvious leer which prompted the next response from Morgan and a commercial break.
MORGAN: I need a break after that quite nauseating tidbit. So we’ll have a short break.
NUGENT: You’re damn right we need a break.
Next, Morgan makes Nugent squirm over his constant gay-baiting.
MORGAN: When we come back, we’re going to talk to you about homophobia. That should fire you up a bit.
NUGENT: I’m sorry to hear you’re having that problem. I can help you with that. I’m gay.
CNN the aired a video of Kobe Bryant and the LA Lakers pressed into providing a public service announcement in which they vow their respect for others.
NUGENT: Amen. I like that. We’re all in this together.
MORGAN: Well, yes, except that Kobe Bryant was fined 100,000 dollars for using a gay slur during a Lakers’ game. And Ted, you wrote a piece after and I’m going to read what you said here. You said that homosexuals are the most protected class of people in America.
And you said, and I quote, “The NBA should hold homosexual night during halftime and homosexuals could come down on the court, hold hands, prance around the court to music by The Village People.” You also said that homosexuality was morally wrong.
NUGENT: Do you have a problem with that?
MORGAN: That’s claptrap.
NUGENT: That’s like Clapton trap. No, let’s put it this way. If you’re gay, have a nice day. I could give a rat’s ass. I don’t —
MORGAN: Are you homophobic?
NUGENT: Not at all, no.
MORGAN: Would you be happy if one of your —
NUGENT: I’m heterophiliac.
MORGAN: What’s a heterophiliac?
NUGENT: It means I’m hopelessly addicted to women — woman. [As someone notorious for his unfaithfulness, note Ted’s Freudian slip.]
MORGAN: Right. If one of your children came up and say, Dad, I’m gay. How would you react to that?
NUGENT: I’d say, get the gun, let’s go kill a deer. Inconsequential.
MORGAN: You wouldn’t mind morally?
NUGENT: Not at all. I am repulsed at the concept of man on man sex. I think it’s against nature. I think it’s strange as hell. But if that’s what you are, I love you.
MORGAN: But do you believe it’s morally wrong? You have suggested that before.
NUGENT: You know, I’m not going to judge another’s morals.
MORGAN: You judge people all the time.
In the next segment Nugent began making nonsensical arguments comparing the outlawing of guns to the outlawing of water. Morgan subsequently mocked him and the conversation degenerated even further.
MORGAN: What is a quaint old thing where if there aren’t any guns nobody gets shot?
NUGENT: And if there isn’t any water, no one will drown. I tell you what. You work on the guns and stop the government. I’ll work on the water so no one drowns anymore. I’ll see you at noon.
MORGAN: You’re right. Wait.
NUGENT: It’s impossible.
MORGAN: If there is no water, nobody does drown.
NUGENT: Wow! All right. Then let’s ban water, Piers.
MORGAN: No sunshine, nobody gets sunburned.
NUGENT: You’re weird. That’s impossible.
MORGAN: I’m not weird.
NUGENT: You can’t ban water and you can’t ban guns. Can’t do it.
MORGAN: Why would you ban water?
NUGENT: To stop the drownings. We want the poor, fat children to float.
MORGAN: Now you’re just be facetious.
NUGENT: No, I’m being absolutely — if you can ban guns, I’ll ban water. If you can get rid of guns, I’ll get rid of water.
Through it all, Nugent never seemed to realize how he’d been made the fool.
There was another moment worth repeating, not included in the transcript, in which Ted tried to pass himself off as a certified policeman. Ted was, he said, a “cop” who’d gone on countless arrests as well as operations with military men.
Sort of like reality TV one guesses, only the cameramen and hosts don’t consider themselves part of the police force or military, only ride alongs or embeds.
One of the features of Ted’s regular summer tours through the rib shacks, casinos and brokedown old ballrooms of the heartland are the articles on him which appear in local newspapers and the alti-weeklies.
In entertainment and music journalism most writers have chosen to always portray him as an intelligent political activist from the right, if slightly idiosyncratic.
As the CNN interview showed, and as everyone who reads this blog knows, Ted is not a person one would use the word “intelligent” on loosely. And he is unfailingly profane.
If the interviewer asks questions Ted doesn’t like he can be counted on to try and change the subject. If that fails his fallback plan is always slurs and non sequiturs.