03.07.14

Who Mourns for BitCoin Elvis?

Posted in Culture of Lickspittle, Fiat money fear and loathers at 1:41 pm by George Smith

Stupid people! I am not BitCoin Elvis! Now, which of you is going to buy me lunch?

It’s a good parlor trick.

How do you prove you are or you aren’t the Satoshi Nakamoto of interest? Why, you just run off into your bedroom and post a denial in an old chat forum. Or get someone else to. Or someone just does it spontaneously.

BitCoin, the currency and world of and for well-to-do libertarian tech trolls, beings so much smarter than the rest of the rusty old world.

Well, we know the US government is now very focused on BitCoin Elvis. Everyone is watching his blockchain data.

What does it mean for a currency when the person who has the most reserves just hoards it? It is a dick-headed thing.

Ponzi Planet BitCoin likes to think its beyond intervention by its lessers.

I have an idea to contribute to that.

The US government, the Dept. of Homeland Security, the FBI, could determine if the Temple City neighborhood is the actual home of BitCoin Elvis. And they could do it in one afternoon.

Given the news, you declare reasonable suspicion that Satoshi Nakamoto’s Mt. Everest of BitCoin is a potential financial weapon of mass destruction.

Worse than ricin.

And then the squads arrive to go through the house.

Worst that could happen? They confirm finding the wrong person. And then, a little later, they name the right person.

It’s happened before. Twice in ricin cases, once with anthrax, too many times to count in less well-publicized investigations.

And then the world has its answer.

Winkdex has BitCoin at $628. It’s been ever-so-slowly falling since yesterday.

Why? Should there not have been a spurt of BitCoin ebullience when the Olympian deity was initially thought to have been found?

Nakamoto is a genius, a computer programming hero.

Or is it because there’s a dawning realization that someone with the disposition of a Satoshi Nakamoto is sitting on the world’s biggest pile of hyped digital currency. And that someone is so great, so beyond everyone else, that no one can know anything about him.

So, naturally, the BitCoin Elvis, or some flunky in the cause, can and must post a one-line denial, a digital smirk, on some old forum. Because it’s the last word from the man, who has just been inconvenienced, too.

The world doesn’t work that way. You got a big image problem, bub. People not in on the take regard BitCoin as magic money for rich ego-bloated assholes, rip-off artists and criminals.

So, BitCoin Elvis, if the money is to flourish, you’ll have to make a concession, wherever you are, probably in the San Fernando Valley.


The perception-of-BitCoin-users problem. Good work, Mr. Nakamoto!


It was a lead-pipe cinch BitCoin altar boys would start throwing money at BitCoin Elvis. In all tribes of the Culture of Lickspittle you will find those who immediately wish to give money to people who probably already have a ton of it.

The mob, says one of the poor mens’ BitCoin philanthropists, is not a mob, just out to help Satoshi, according to the LA Times:

As of late Thursday morning [the give to BitCoin Elvis program on Reddit] had raised 15.14262168 bitcoins. Based on the latest Coindesk Index which pegs the price of one bitcoin at $616.50, that would mean the campaign has raised about $9,335.

“Thank you for doing this Andreas,” wrote Reddit user gonzobon in a comment. “We all want to show the world that we are not a mob.”

BitCoin Elvis, despite being the deity, is not so smart as built up.

BitCoin is easy to steal, even an attractive target, and those who make and run its infrastructure are equally plagued by human frailty. One such frailty is the always on attitude that they have none as the soldiers in the front lines of the battle to bring on the future.

2 Comments

  1. Ted Jr. said,

    March 7, 2014 at 3:42 pm

    Thanks GS – no one else is all over this like you are. If these last 2 articles about B/CE get reblogged on a heavily traffic site – who knows, maybe we could get your daily view count up into double digits…;)

    But seriously, only the hyper-intelligent could believe all this nonsense about an imaginary currency revolutionising anything.

    One could at least eat the Tulip bulbs in the 17th century.

  2. George Smith said,

    March 7, 2014 at 4:23 pm

    Double digits! Such riches!