05.31.09

Born to Be Mild

Posted in Phlogiston, Rock 'n' Roll at 2:24 pm by George Smith

Today’s venereal wart-like curiosity: A ridiculous article at Playboy on the US military’s ‘Battle Bands.’

“These days, martial music also means Marshall stacks,” writes a Playboy hagiographer. “That’s right, soldiers rock — officially.”

Hmmm, not by the evidence presented, lil’ pardner.

What listeners and viewers do witness: The same kind of stuff bar bands have peddled in every ‘burgh and hamlet in the US for the last thirty years. It’s milder by loads, since one should presumably not hear swearing or see women take off their tops when in video repping a service arm to the public. Or throw cups of beer and bottles of whiskey in a power drunk fit.

Caveat emptor: Most people won’t be able to stand more than thirty seconds of the linked videos.

Ready for the Motel 6 ballroom on Friday night. Good mix on the horns, though.

The Greenwood Hill HH&L Bingo Hall Show Band in action.

If you’re going to sing a pomp metal song entitled “Locked & Loaded,” shouldn’t it sound like you’re about to, er, take the warpath and kill someone?

Apparently not, think Max Impact. Insufficiently aggressive, zoomies.

Joan Jett did not make them sweat. This is just plain wrong.

Bad metalcore, by the Marines. But at least they’re mean-sounding and suitably warlike, much like your averagely bad civilian metalcore band.

Van Halen guitar soloist. An evergreen timewaster, here, as inevitable as the rising sun.

However, the undisputed King of Born to Be Mild rock is Mike Huckabee. So, perhaps, the ‘Battle Bands’ are in good company. And, indisputably, there is no evil in playing rock ‘n’ roll for the baby-stroller crowd.


Oriignally, tipped by Danger Room.

1 Comment

  1. Ilvar Khorstoon said,

    June 1, 2009 at 6:28 am

    Hold an average of 61 seconds. The most 1:15. Really, couldn’t stand no more. Yeap, your caveat emptor is roughly correct…

    Went to hear some music…