07.21.11

Get it off your chest, Howard

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 8:18 am by George Smith

Howard, interviewed by e-mail before some fair gig in Columbus, hates on all the top American haters hating on the US:

Your feelings on Obama?

My feelings for this man are based on true facts. Here is a man raised by avowed communist/socialist, America-hating parents; surrounded by avowed socialist/communist America-hating terrorists like Bill Ayers; attending an America-hating church; being preached to and married by a vicious, America-hating maniac; implementing proven economy- and America-destroying fundamental transformation policies; promising to cause our energy costs to skyrocket; and following the (Richard) Cloward/(Frances) Piven playbook on how to take down America. I’ll tell you what I think of people like the president. I am convinced he is the enemy of America, the enemy of freedom and the enemy of our Constitution. He is a bad, evil, rotten human being.

Your take on the tea party?

The tea party is pure America good. It is blatantly obvious that the tea party movement is a long-overdue return to We the People taking back our country from power-abusing, corrupt, unaccountable bureaucrats that have clearly lost their way. The tea party may be America’s only hope.

07.20.11

The Weekly Spill on Howard

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 9:27 am by George Smith

There’s nothing this week that quite tops Howard’s recent claim that he was attacked by a Canadian dog.

However, we do have some quote and opinion from others traveling the the US wires.

This, from the Oklahoma State student newspaper:

I am surrounded by the nicest, hardest-working, most intensely dedicated, productive human beings on earth. These Americans will simply not let the Mao Tse Tung fan club complete its disastrous fundamental transformation of the greatest quality-of-life country in the history of mankind. I still believe that the good people of America still outnumber the slovenly, gluttonous crybabies that support another shot at communism by Obama and his gang of America haters.

From the Kansas City newspaper, on a recent Nugent gig:

With little variation in tempo or style, a few artistic lulls were inevitable. The worst moments came during “I Still Believe.??? It sounded like an intentional parody of an ill-conceived patriotic song.

Unfortunately, Nugent wasn’t joking. A couple of dodgy songs weren’t enough to sink the set. Sung by original vocalist Derek St. Holmes, “Hey Baby,??? the evening’s sole nod to pop music, was the night’s most rewarding song.

When St. Holmes wasn’t acting as the lead vocalist, Nugent peppered most songs with interjections and asides. While initially amusing, Nugent’s constant chatter had lost much of its appeal by the end of the show.

He resembled a profane preacher … And when he repeatedly referred to himself as “Uncle Ted,??? Nugent’s tone suggested a deranged host of a children’s TV program.

Nugent’s political commentary was limited but venomous.

From a Spokane newspaper’s Outdoors columnist in the sports section:

Hunters across the country routinely dump their woes on him regarding overregulation and wildlife officer harassment, he said.

Maybe that’s a product of the hunters he attracts with his love for baiting and whacking and stacking large numbers of critters and slinging lead with semiauto and even automatic weapons.

In my hunting camp, we hoist a toast at the end of the rare day when we get checked by a wildlife enforcement officer. We play by the rules and we wish more officers were in the field making sure other hunters are doing the same.

During the Fred Bear song in his concert, The Nuge is featured in a video skewering about a dozen whitetail bucks with arrows, pumping his arms in victory and screaming with joy after each one.

“I’m an entertainer,” he said, explaining why he should be excused for his hyperbole …

“I rock and roll all summer long,” he screams to his concert crowds.
“The rest of the year I just kill (rhymes with fit).”

That approach to hunting is repulsive …

07.13.11

Ted Nugent advocates default & complains about being bitten by a dog

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 7:42 pm by George Smith


Lads! Howard was attacked by a Canandian dog!

We want to meet the dog and make sure he gets a nice cut of premium meat as a reward.

In Nugent’s WaTimes column, today, there were many run on sentences.

Here’s one, guaranteed to make you gasp for air:

A nasty, unclean gaggle of Americans read the nonstop reports of mass graves in Mexico, the mountains of dead bodies, the unending exhuming of slaughtered innocents and decapitated citizens and public officials at the hands of evil drug cartels, then nonchalantly purchase another load of the mind- and life-destroying dope that these subhuman heathens peddle.

And on default:

The brain-dead, zombielike nonsense blurting out of Democrats’ pie holes is mind-boggling as they feebly attempt to rationalize raising the debt ceiling, scrambling mindlessly to explain how increased runaway, criminal spending on gluttonous, wasteful, superfluous stuff is a good thing.

And there’s the dog that bit Ted. He indicates he might have bled to death. In Canada.

I end up in a state-of-the-art emergency room at a Canadian hospital with a serious blood-gushing dog bite and wait 6 1/2 hours to see a doctor.

Good Canadian doggy!

07.08.11

Stranglehold

Posted in Culture of Lickspittle, Extremism, Ted Nugent at 9:43 am by George Smith

The mainstream media can’t be trusted to cover even the simplest matters.

Take a piece minted a few hours ago — from USA Today — on classic rockers enjoining Michele Bachmann from playing their songs.

The particulars are now old but the stupidity compounds.

From USA Today, this graph on Ted Nugent, who cannily realized he had an angle on this:

Nugent, a supporter of GOP candidates and critic of Obama, told The Arizona Republic recently that “politics are extremely personal” as he defended [Tom Petty’s] right to ask Bachmann to stop playing American Girl.

Nugent happens to think Bachmann is a “great American,” and told The Republic she can use one of his songs. But Nugent is waiting for Texas Gov. Rick Perry to jump into the race and says Stranglehold would be appropriate for Perry because it’s “the ultimate soundtrack of defiance.”

In the mind of Americans, “Born to be Wild” probably rates higher on the defiance song list.

Anyway, it’s selective news. Nugent is presented as reasonable.

And he never is, this just another example where some noxious tar baby is repackaged as a voice of experience and reason.

And the story edits out that Nugent offered Bachmann “Wang Dang Sweet Poontang,” a subject for some tittering in newspaper music blogs, which he conceded was utterly unusable.

Also edited out, the lyrics of Stranglehold, which are — yes — defiant. Great homicidal-leaning stuff for teenage boys in the Seventies.

But the song has more to do with getting revenge on a lady:

YOU REMEMBER THE NIGHT THAT YOU LEFT ME
YOU PUT ME IN MY PLACE
GOT YOU IN A STRANGLEHOLD NOW BABY
GONNA CRUSH YOUR FACE

The last two lines are a pretty accurate representation of what national GOP policy is. But since they’re blunt and frightening to old white people when they come blaring out of the loudspeakers at somewhere over 90 db, the song’s unusable.

But none of this is important in a national newspaper for a story that gets reprinted in lots of little and medium-sized ‘burg rags.

The title — Stranglehold — is a bit of a tip-off. But things have gotten so dense nationwide, the soft touch doesn’t work. Only spelling it out in detail does.


This is still a fine campaign song. Would look and sound great on television news or a comedy show.


This is great, too.

06.24.11

Get off my lawn, you damn kids!

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 12:41 pm by George Smith

Howard, oops — I mean Ted Nugent, growls at the kids in today’s column for the WaTimes.

They don’t join the Tea Party!

While I personally condemn violence of any kind, I am stunned that they are not participating more in the Tea Party, even rioting in the streets, clashing with the cops, conducting sit-ins at their colleges, interrupting political events and so on. Instead, the young people of this generation appear to be sound asleep, lethargic and seemingly unaware of how badly their generation is being royally abused by the deep-seated corruption and abuse of power in the government …

Except for the superior human beings who volunteer for U.S. military service, I am not impressed with this generation. They are being led to their own slaughter and are blindly following along instead of fighting for their own survival. Text or twitter that, Millennials.

Ted, obviously not up on LulzSec. Also wounded that more young whipper-snappers don’t come to see his casino and ag fair tour.

06.02.11

Nugent abandons Palin

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 10:00 am by George Smith

For a long time, Ted Nugent was Sarah Palin’s best toady.

For example, here he is in an endorsement, the breeze sibilantly whistling through his teeth in a bit that inspired my joke about him being up for a role as Howard in the remake of The Treasure of Sierra Madre.

I published this joke and the silly mugl shot that made him look old and beamish so many times it’s remotely possible it got around to him.

Now Ted shaves once again. Or it just could be he’d rather look more like he used to for the fans on his summer tour of rib shacks, casinos and ag fairs.

Anyway, Sarah was the jazz. Ted was even her official hagiographer for TIME magazine. She was pretty much a natural for the ex-Motor City Madman, being a rootin’-tootin’ gal into hunting and shooting and chainsawing and grizzly-bearing.

But that was in 2010. This year, Nugent quit his job as ambassador-at-large for Palin.

Earlier in the year he entertained the idea of endorsing Donald Trump.

That has not been fruitful, either.

Today, in the WaTimes, Nugent is all in for the governor of his home state Texas, Rick Perry.

Sadly, once again a copy editor had to be cruelly humiliated:

The lede in to Ted’s essay:

Good friend and Texas Gov. Rick Perry should remember that now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of their country.

Now is that time, Rick. Run for president.

Ted is not pleased with the overall quality of GOP presidential material.

Interestingly, while other famous right wingers have lobbied vigorously for Chris Christie to jump into the fray, Nugent has been silent on the matter.

I know why. Ted was never going to get into the Christie mania.

Christie does have the same temperament and outlook as Ted Nugent.

But, and it’s one big but —[cough], a Ted thing is to hector Americans for being too zaftig.

Ted isn’t into those who find it quite the hardship to push themselves away from the dinner table.

To Nugent, Christie would appear as a hippopotamus, more generously a musk ox or wild Russian boar, things Nugent would prefer to hunt.

Speaking of wild pigs, Nugent again got some bad press in Michigan this week.

The Kalamazoo newspaper published on article mentioning Nugent’s lobbying to have a law that will declare exotic swine illegal invasives in Michigan overturned.

The law has been enacted to curb disease and destruction to the environment caused by the animals when they escape their pens.

Nugent has a ranch in Michigan where he sells tickets to big game hunts. Wild boar shoots had been one of Nugent’s attractions.

So Nugent’s interest is profit-motivated.

A national wild-life expert advocating Michigan’s ban commented for the Kalamazoo paper:

The report also cited an opposing view from Jack Mayer, a national swine expert, who said the ban is needed because swine easily escape enclosure and are able to survive and reproduce in Michigan.

“Every one of the states that has one of these commercial fenced shooting operations is leaking hogs,” said Mayer, according to the MIRS report. “You can’t fence wild pigs, I’m sorry.”

05.19.11

Creepy Mean Old Man TV — Nugent on CNN

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 9:13 am by George Smith

Ted Nugent was granted an hour with Piers Morgan on CNN last night.

A reader tipped me. But the results were still grim as one might expect.

Some points to Morgan for trying to employ critical questioning and, as the interview wore on, showing that he politely but visibly detested his guest.

Some parts of it (the full transcript is here):

MORGAN: You gave an interview to some guy on a BBC show.

NUGENT: Boy, did they need me there, huh?

MORGAN: And just to describe how you thought went with this British interview, you said they sent this young limey prick who pretended to be my friend. He tried to — with me on all these political correct levels. I gutted him. I danced on his skull.

NUGENT: But before I gutted him —

MORGAN: Will you dance on my skull, Ted?

Then there’s the regular GOP/Ted meme of shitting on people on foodstamps because they’re leeches.

NUGENT: Well, safety nets. Welfare for example. Welfare isn’t just about helping the needy anymore. Welfare is now about rewarding people who take advantage of the corruption and the abuse of that condition.

That’s more widespread than actual needy people getting help. I mean I don’t know how often you shop around this country, or how often you hang out with people around this country. But it is not like the president said.

The America he doesn’t know that people are using food stamps for something other than good nutrition. You gotta be kidding me. We got a bunch of idiots out there that are absolutely raping and pillaging an otherwise positive humanitarian system.

MORGAN: Well, I admire the passion you bring. I don’t have a problem with people having opinions. Even if I don’t agree with some of them.

My issue about you and the welfare thing is it showed — to me it showed no sense of compassion for people who have genuine problems. Who genuinely need it.

NUGENT: Well, you see —

MORGAN: Your judgment, if you don’t mind me saying, is all encompassing. All sweeping. You think they’re all on the fiddle.

MORGAN: Well, you’re very — you’re very, very pro the troops. I get that. But you yourself, I mean you dodged the draft.

NUGENT: No. Now, see, I’m glad we’re here on the Piers Morgan show to set that straight for the 10 million —

MORGAN: Set the record straight.

NUGENT: No, did I not dodge the draft. I was 17, and I was a clueless idiot, which most 17s qualify. I bet you were —

MORGAN: I was quite suave.

NUGENT: Being that as it may, no, I was enrolled in Oakland Community College. And I had a one-wide deferment. Did I register — I registered. Did I volunteer? No. Should I have? Yes.

MORGAN: Do you regret that?

NUGENT: You know, I do regret it on one level. On the most important, fundamental level, is that I have a duty to earn this experiments in we the people self-government. And I’ve spent my time and I’ve intentionally put myself in harm’s way going over to Iraq and Afghanistan, right into hell zones of unnamed trenches in Afghanistan danger zones, I do —

MORGAN: Is part of that a guilt thing on your part?

Ted then spent some time complaining and denying it’s a guilt thing. Morgan wouldn’t have it so Ted called him a bastard.

Ted is revealed as a closet birther.

MORGAN: Did you agree with [Trump] about the birther issue?

NUGENT: You know, I agree that we should be able to demand evidence and I, like he and many others, I had not seen the official document. And I think we the people should be able to demand of our elected officials —

MORGAN: Have you seen Sarah Palin’s?

NUGENT: I have not seen — but she’s not president.

MORGAN: Why aren’t you demanding to see hers?

NUGENT: If she runs for president I would.

MORGAN: Yes, but some say that the only reason people wanted to see Obama’s was because he’s an African-American.

NUGENT: And isn’t that offensive? Isn’t that pathetic that they have to reduce it to a race issue? That is the most evil, rotten, soulless condition in America that as soon as you disagree with someone of a different color, that the racist accusations fly. That is soulless, inaccurate, and wrong.

MORGAN: Fine. Have you ever asked to see the birth certificate of any other president or presidential candidate?

NUGENT: No, I haven’t.

MORGAN: Why not?

NUGENT: I was never active enough in politics —

It continues, Ted seeming to realize he’s been backed into looking foolish. At one point he suggests a “government panel” to review birth credentials before petering out.

NUGENT: So I admire Sarah Palin across the board. Great woman, perfect American.

MORGAN: Other than that, you’re quite keen on that?

NUGENT: Other than that what?

MORGAN: You’re quite keen on that?

NUGENT: Yes, I’m keen on that. Plus, she’s so good looking.

Nugent said this with an obvious leer which prompted the next response from Morgan and a commercial break.

MORGAN: I need a break after that quite nauseating tidbit. So we’ll have a short break.

NUGENT: You’re damn right we need a break.

Next, Morgan makes Nugent squirm over his constant gay-baiting.

MORGAN: When we come back, we’re going to talk to you about homophobia. That should fire you up a bit.

NUGENT: I’m sorry to hear you’re having that problem. I can help you with that. I’m gay.

CNN the aired a video of Kobe Bryant and the LA Lakers pressed into providing a public service announcement in which they vow their respect for others.

NUGENT: Amen. I like that. We’re all in this together.

MORGAN: Well, yes, except that Kobe Bryant was fined 100,000 dollars for using a gay slur during a Lakers’ game. And Ted, you wrote a piece after and I’m going to read what you said here. You said that homosexuals are the most protected class of people in America.

And you said, and I quote, “The NBA should hold homosexual night during halftime and homosexuals could come down on the court, hold hands, prance around the court to music by The Village People.” You also said that homosexuality was morally wrong.

NUGENT: Do you have a problem with that?

MORGAN: That’s claptrap.

NUGENT: That’s like Clapton trap. No, let’s put it this way. If you’re gay, have a nice day. I could give a rat’s ass. I don’t —

MORGAN: Are you homophobic?

NUGENT: Not at all, no.

MORGAN: Would you be happy if one of your —

NUGENT: I’m heterophiliac.

MORGAN: What’s a heterophiliac?

NUGENT: It means I’m hopelessly addicted to women — woman. [As someone notorious for his unfaithfulness, note Ted’s Freudian slip.]

MORGAN: Right. If one of your children came up and say, Dad, I’m gay. How would you react to that?

NUGENT: I’d say, get the gun, let’s go kill a deer. Inconsequential.

MORGAN: You wouldn’t mind morally?

NUGENT: Not at all. I am repulsed at the concept of man on man sex. I think it’s against nature. I think it’s strange as hell. But if that’s what you are, I love you.

MORGAN: But do you believe it’s morally wrong? You have suggested that before.

NUGENT: You know, I’m not going to judge another’s morals.

MORGAN: You judge people all the time.

In the next segment Nugent began making nonsensical arguments comparing the outlawing of guns to the outlawing of water. Morgan subsequently mocked him and the conversation degenerated even further.

MORGAN: What is a quaint old thing where if there aren’t any guns nobody gets shot?

NUGENT: And if there isn’t any water, no one will drown. I tell you what. You work on the guns and stop the government. I’ll work on the water so no one drowns anymore. I’ll see you at noon.

MORGAN: You’re right. Wait.

NUGENT: It’s impossible.

MORGAN: If there is no water, nobody does drown.

NUGENT: Wow! All right. Then let’s ban water, Piers.

MORGAN: No sunshine, nobody gets sunburned.

NUGENT: You’re weird. That’s impossible.

MORGAN: I’m not weird.

NUGENT: You can’t ban water and you can’t ban guns. Can’t do it.

MORGAN: Why would you ban water?

NUGENT: To stop the drownings. We want the poor, fat children to float.

MORGAN: Now you’re just be facetious.

NUGENT: No, I’m being absolutely — if you can ban guns, I’ll ban water. If you can get rid of guns, I’ll get rid of water.

Through it all, Nugent never seemed to realize how he’d been made the fool.

There was another moment worth repeating, not included in the transcript, in which Ted tried to pass himself off as a certified policeman. Ted was, he said, a “cop” who’d gone on countless arrests as well as operations with military men.

Sort of like reality TV one guesses, only the cameramen and hosts don’t consider themselves part of the police force or military, only ride alongs or embeds.

One of the features of Ted’s regular summer tours through the rib shacks, casinos and brokedown old ballrooms of the heartland are the articles on him which appear in local newspapers and the alti-weeklies.

In entertainment and music journalism most writers have chosen to always portray him as an intelligent political activist from the right, if slightly idiosyncratic.

As the CNN interview showed, and as everyone who reads this blog knows, Ted is not a person one would use the word “intelligent” on loosely. And he is unfailingly profane.

If the interviewer asks questions Ted doesn’t like he can be counted on to try and change the subject. If that fails his fallback plan is always slurs and non sequiturs.

05.06.11

Won’t someone please buy Nugent’s records again?

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 2:53 pm by George Smith

If only to slow down his print output.

As a writer, Ted Nugent is a useful metaphor for systemic fail in America. While Uncle Ted is big on talking up merit and innate ability as a basic foundation for success, if such things were even the slightest requirements for his getting book contracts or print space, Nugent would never have earned enough money to buy even one weekday copy of a Michigan newspaper.


Good news, lads! Good news! Howard knows how to spell the word ‘cockroach.’

This week’s discouraging exhibit of solid C minus high school English essaying, notable for record-breaking use of the names of common arthropods:

“flea-infested maggots” — (1), not biologically possible

“subhuman goat ticks” — (1), redundant

“rabid dogs” — technically, not arthropod, but what-the-hey!

“cockroaches” (6 invocations, including once in the subhed)

As for the last reference, you know Nugent really wanted to use “cocksuckers” but WaTimes editorial policy still isn’t quite ready to let him go that far.

05.05.11

So what’s Matt Groening’s excuse?

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 10:15 am by George Smith


Good news, lads! Good news! Not only is Ted up for the part of Howard in the remake of The Treasure of Sierra Madre, but he’ll also be on the Simpsons!

Nugent to act as presidential candidate in a future episode of The Simpsons.

Ted Nugent, for Fox, on Hollywood — last week:

Here is a man that has been attacked for my militant hatred for drinking and driving, and drunk idiots ruining lives because in Hollywood, if you aren’t drooling, puking and dying it is not a party. If you want to see a party watch Uncle Ted – I have been clean and sober for 63 years and this is a f**king party! Write that down!

Homer Simpson’s favorite beer: Duff.

Ted Nugent on gays, two weeks ago:

If the NBA had any true gay convictions, the NBA should host a Homosexual Night. During halftime, the homosexuals could come down on the court, hold hands and prance around the court to music by the Village People. The NBA could then give each homosexual a pink basketball as a symbol of solidarity.

Homer Simpson on gays:

I like my beer cold… my TV loud… and my homosexuals flaming.

04.29.11

How many chainsaw massacres per year?

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 12:12 pm by George Smith

Getting Ted Nugent to do an e-mail interview is an invitation to merriment of the unintentional kind.

Once Nugent gets the word processor going he always hits send before giving it the once over. Much to our continuing joy and delight.

Take this interview, at Fox News on-line today:

It has always been the brain-dead elitist element to disarm others, while they are armed and protected by the other’s tax dollars. The misconception is misrepresentation in the media, and people who look at a gun and immediately look at the tragic use of a gun.

They don’t look at a chainsaw and think of dismembered people, they don’t look at automobiles as the tool of the drunk driver, and it is this bizarre mysticism of some shallow minds that the gun has a personality. Guns save lives.

In the last ten years I can’t think of any gun control legislation in this country. However, let’s let that one slide.

When was the last time you saw something about a chainsaw massacre — other than a movie ad — in the daily newspaper?

Chainsaw massacres, they just happen all the time. Almost as much as shootings.

Nugent is also virulently teetotal. And, he explains, this is why he hates Hollywood and Hollywood hates him:

Here is a man that has been attacked for my militant hatred for drinking and driving, and drunk idiots ruining lives because in Hollywood, if you aren’t drooling, puking and dying it is not a party. If you want to see a party watch Uncle Ted – I have been clean and sober for 63 years and this is a f**king party! Write that down!

Hah-hah. A good portion of ol’ Ted’s current audience is very physically active power drinkers. And it is not unknown for them to get behind the wheel after having been over-served. There is, after all, a reason Ted tours bars and casinos. It’s where the money is for him.

For example, this summer Ted will visit Jim Thorpe, PA, to play a show at Penn’s Peak in mid-August. DD played this venue many years ago when it was known as (and still is) the Flagstaff Ballroom.

Of Flagstaff, I wrote on the DD bio page:

When not playing the 4G’s, a typical gig would have us opening for Pat Travers or Robin Trower, semi-major guitar stars from the Seventies fallen on hard time in the haunch of the Eighties and reduced to performing in the coal town of Jim Thorpe. The venue, called Flagstaff, was an old resort from when Jim Thorpe, originally called Mauch Chunk, had an actual upper class of coal barons in residence around the turn of the century.

Like the south side of Bethlehem, Jim Thorpe was quite depressed. But since Flagstaff furnished very cheaply-priced big-league guitar rock in destitute Carbon County, fans turned out regularly.

Flagstaff was split into two sections, a main floor with an outside balcony that wrapped around the building — and a restaurant. During the shows, the lines to the conveniences would become overlong and the local custom was for the male patrons to march to the outdoor balcony and . . . well, you can connect the dots. En masse, it was quite an astonishing site and, I am told, fabulously irritating to the residents of Mauch Chunk who lived further down the hill from Flagstaff.

Good times, good times.

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