06.27.14
Your Daily Masturbait
You can probably count the news agencies on the fingers of one hand that don’t publish daily clickbait in the Culture of Lickspittle.
Everyone else is fully engaged in the rush to the bottom of brainlessness, greased by social media and the environment of Google search.
Today’s best, I think, at PBS (!):
8 Things You Didn’t Know About Franz Ferdinand
1. He had bad lungs
2. He hunted nearly 300,000 animals
3. His wife was deemed totally unsuitable for the dynasty
Presumably written for nothing or almost that by someone named Talia Mindich, probably an intern or free-lancer, emphasis on the first part of the word.
And your daily Upworthy immunization:
Are You Sick Of Ass-Backward Hillbillies? Check Out Some Ass-Forward Ones.
The lead-in: “Growing up in West Virginia, I got a lot of comments about whether I wear shoes or have all my teeth. When I went to school out of state, I actually had a professor ask me if ‘folks back home’ felt like I had ‘outgrown [my] raisin’ [sic] by going to college.”
Giant Chickens Were A Really Good Idea In Theory But Turned Out Bad In Practice
The lead-in: “Not only is food a pleasant part of the human experience, it’s also a necessity for us to, well, live.”