Ted — fit for a rewrite of Dickens

Posted in Extremism, Ted Nugent at 9:04 am by George Smith

Many have surely noticed that a lot of the current US doesn’t really support the way A Christmas Carol or It’s a Wonderful Life turned out. Sure, everyone pays lip service to these stories. But if people were honest with themselves, surely a lot would admit a sneaking desire to see a Xmas movie where Scrooge laughed off the grim reaping spirit of Christmas future and Tiny Tim was dead of consumption by Xmas day.

In 2011 you could pitch a comedy TV series on the two really talented and fun guys in Robin Hood, Sir Guy of Gisbourne and the Sheriff of Nottingham.

Ted Nugent is Dickensian. His inability to rally any significant fan base among the young, in direct proportion to his success as a shoeshiner for old white man radical right and extreme wealth makes him perfect material for any modern approach to the material.

One of the things associated with Dickens’ Victorian London is the burning of coal and soot of it everywhere.

There is a small vignette from Nugent’s life that fits this, too. In 2009, Nugent was an emcee for Don Blankenship of Massey Energy’s “Coalstock,” a sparsely attended anti-labor Labor Day weekend bash in West Virginia. It’s painful to watch on YouTube.

(A year later an explosion at one of Blankenship’s mines killed 27, an incident which most probably will eventually see criminal charges levied against former Massey Energy executives.)

The poor get extra helpings of hardship and pain and Ted Nugent can be reliably counted on to tell us it’s all their own fault, a consequence of the alleged shit choices they make. Like being born into poverty. The time to have made your first good choice toward a life of plenty was when swimming down Pap’s penis at the moment of climax. Go back!

As we near Christmas, his new column at the WaTimes is in character.

It perfectly recites one of the favorite scripts of the legion of poor men’s Ayn Rands of the Republican Party:

The majority of people who are poor in America are poor because they knowingly have made poor decisions … Being poor is largely a choice, a daily, if not hourly, decision. If you decide to drop out of school, fail to learn a skill, have no work ethic or get divorced, a life of poverty is often the consequence.

At one point Nugent recommends the churches get more involved in helping the poor. Of course, they do. But it was only a year ago Nugent was doing the Dickens trip, too, hating on the church after Thanksgiving and suggesting the Vatican give up some of its swag.

Every time one imagines how bad people like Nugent can be they always surprise you with new standards for bad and worse:

Roughly 50 percent of all Medicare costs are spent in a person’s last six months of life. When a person is terminally ill or without hope of getting better, forcing taxpayers to keep them alive isn’t fair. If the terminally ill individual or his family wants to keep him alive for as long as possible, then they should pay for it, not taxpayers … Last time I checked, churches have a few billion dollars worth of gold, silver, jewelry, art, real estate and other assets. Maybe they could use some of it for such compassionate causes. Maybe not.

In this bit from November, a year back, Nugent not only went after the Catholics but also called for hospice care for the dieing to be ended. Medicare pays for the six months of such support, as those who have loved ones or close friend fall into the clutches of an incurable disease, like cancer, painfully know.

Nugent is one of the lousiest writers one could hope for, perfect for our times. Not only a wretched stylist, more importantly, he is devoid of any human warmth or empathy. Paradoxically, he papers over this failing with a regular clumsy implication that he’s a person who actually cares.

The Washington Times is the ideal venue for him, a Dickensian publication for DC. These days it attaches promotions to buy precious metals, or the consulting services of those who advocate for the hoarding of gold and silver to the end of Nugent’s columns.

And it does not surprise at all that a winning political idea for the current GOP is the torn from Oliver Twist suggestion that poor children be janitors of their schools so as to cultivate good work habits and the avoidance of crappy life choices that will make them forever poor. Of course they should.

A lucky winner of a raffle at TedNugent.com gets an all-expense paid weekend hunting with Ted on his ranch in Crawford, Texas. The second place prize is two weekends hunting with Ted on his ranch in Crawford. No, not really — I just made it all up.


  1. Bonze Anne Rose Blayk said,

    December 18, 2011 at 8:15 pm

    “Lousy is, as lousy does.”


    (as always)

    – bonzie anne

    PS: I’m just wondering whether I should apply for this raffle… I mean, it could turn out to be just buck loads of fun?

    PPS: I know a fair amount about safe handling of firearms, but… in practice? I’m a really lousy shot!

  2. Christoph Hechl said,

    December 19, 2011 at 12:49 am

    Well if you could provide photographic or video evidence of just how lousy a shot you are, then i foresee a way to fund your training.